IN THIS ISSUE:
-- THE PROBLEM WITH THE BUDGET
-- THE PROBLEM WITH THE REPUBLICANS
--THE PROBLEM WITH POTUS (AKA "GRASSHOPPER")
-- THE PROBLEM WITH KOBE
-- TGG OLD SCHOOL JAM OF THE WEEK
-- THE PROBLEM WITH BARRY BONDS
-- THE PROBLEM WITH TIGER WOODS
-- THE PROBLEM WITH WALT "CLYDE" FRAZIER?
WE INTERRUPT OUR
REGULAR EDITION
FOR
BREAKING NEWS...
In an astonishing scientific discovery, a new study found that "how much and how frequently students drink is one of the best predictors of the grades they get." Researchers at George Mason University found irrefutable proof that "the more time spent paryting with alcohol, there's a significant decrease in GPA." After surveying 13,900 freshmen at 167 schools, Todd Wyatt and a colleague found that two factors played a big role in grades: the amount of time spent studying every week, and how much and how often students drank. Why? The study's authors came to the earth-shattering revelation that "Being drunk or hungover may simply discourage students froom studying. It might also be that students who see college primarily a a place to "party" don't take academics very seriously."
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| Don't Blame Us If The Initials of The School Which Came to Mind Are "USC" |
TGG publishes these findings as part of its continuing support for cutting-edge scientific research. We only regret that these landmark findings may have come out, well, 20 or 30 years too late for many of our readers...
THE PROBLEM WITH THE BUDGET
A by now-familiar scenario played out in Washington last week, as the House Republicans, the Senate Democrats, and the White House played out a familiar game of chicken --- or was it "Rock, Paper, Scissors" -- over whether or not agreement could be reached on a continuing resolution to keep the government from shutting down.
One might think that each of the three parties was a co-equal partner at the negotiating table. One would be wrong. According to the new protocol of Washington, policy differences between the parties will henceforth be decided thusly: The Republicans will announce a hardline position so far to the right that only the most radical Tea Party follower could be be dissatisfied, the Democrats will be unclear about their position (if they clearly state a position at all), will refuse to engage in any brinksmanship or bluffing with the Republicans, and then will accept a final agreement which gives the Republicans 90% of what they were asking for in the first place and proudly declare it a victory through "compromise."
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| He's Giving Orders Now |
THE PROBLEM WITH THE REPUBLICANS
After their victory on the 2011 budget, the Republicans trotted out their fiscal frontman, House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan to present their blueprint for reducing America's deficit. By and large, it was more of the same: tax cuts for the rich, no cuts in defense spending, dramatic cuts in everything else. But in one very important sense, it was no more business as usual. In what should have been a shocking development, Ryan and the Republicans proposed making Medicaid, the government's guaranteed healthcare program for senior citizens, no longer an entitlement. Under Ryan's plan, seniors would get a certain amount of money every year to buy health insurance. And if that insurance was not enough to provide for all of their medical needs?
"Tough."
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| "This Might Hurt More Than Just A Little Bit" |
What was remarkable about the media coverage of the Ryan plan was the matter-of-fact tone of most of it. Since the 1960s, the American social compact has been: once you are a senior citizen, the government will provide for your health care. (It is worth noting that in almost every other industrialized democracy, the social compact is that the government will provide for your health care no matter how old you are). One of the acknowledged successes of Social Security and Medicaid is that senior citizens no longer have to face abject poverty or physical ruin.
The Week magazine summarized one analysis of Ryan's plan like this:
"Ryan wants to cut the top income-tax rate from 35 to 25 percent, thus reducing the burden on the rich, while extracting two thirds of his alleged budget savings from Medicaid, Medicare, college aid for the poor, and food stamps. It's a blatant attempt to get society's "Losers" --- the elderly, the poor, the disabled and the hungry --- off the backs of the "virtuous and the successful."
Had America reached the point where we were willing to --- literally as well as figuratively --- throw our elderly under the bus?
If not, where was the outrage?
Where were the headlines?
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| Or The Road to Perdition? |
THE PROBLEM WITH POTUS (AKA "GRASSHOPPER")
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| Sometimes You Have to Look To Your Left |
Meanwhile, it was not clear at all that the President and the Democrats knew exactly the nature of the exercise they were engaged in. For his part, the President did give a well-received speech where he outlined his objections to the Ryan plan and set forth some deficit principles of his own. But, as noted philosopher Ferris Bueller once remarked, the Presidents and the Democrats seemed to have lost sight of "El Foto Grande."
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| "You Gotta See The Big Picture" |
The fact is, at this point, the Democrats have lost the debate. The discussion is no longer about what role government should play in society --- whether or not education, infrastructure, renewable energy and other investments are important to America's future. The discussion is simply about how much spending should be cut. And Democratic voices to the contrary are not managing to make themselves heard.
The Democrats are playing on Republican turf. They have failed to articulate a compelling competing vision for America in new economic times, and accordingly the New Normal has become a Tea Party vision of a future where taxes are low on the rich, the only government spending is for defense, and revisionist social and scientific theories such as
"Global Warming Does Not Exist" hold sway as official U.S. policy.
Could the young President, who some
(OK, "we") had compared to "Grasshopper" of "Kung Fu" fame, rally the Democrats and offer an alternative vision for America? Only if Grashopper and his team could manage not to defeat themselves first.
Perhaps some timeless advice from Master Po was in order:
The Middle East also remained problematic, as in Egypt, despite the arrest of Hosni Mubarak and his sons, it was not at all clear whether the Army would live up to its promises of democracy, and in Syria, Bahrain and Yemen, protests were being put down with the proverbial iron fist.
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| The Dominoes Weren't Falling Quite So Fast Anymore... |
The Problem With Kobe
Basketball went global in the 1990s. So while they arguably would never be regarded as classic as "1001 Arabian Nights," the NBA's own tale of Good vs. Evil --- The Playoffs --- began another "40 Games in 40 Nights" run.
And right on cue, one player marked himself as the villain. It was a role he had played before, but this time took a new twist, even for the self-designated "Black Mamba." Kobe Bryant, in the waning days of the regular season, mad at a referee, decided to direct an anti-gay slur at the ref, live on camera for all the world to see. The predictable ensued. Bryant issued a half-hearted "if anyone was offended" apology, the league fined him $100,000, Kobe apologized at least two more times, and the Lakers announced they would be partnering with gay rights groups to fight anti-gay bias. All of this, however, left two questions unanswered:
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| If You Can't Say Anything Nice.... |
(1) What is Kobe Bryant so mad about, and why, as a grown man, is he regressing to juvenile homophobic slurs to express his anger?
(2) How could someone so talented, so good-looking, so (apparently) intelligent, and so rich be so dislikeable?
Note to readers: we know what you're thinking,
but in truth TGG is only one (maybe on a good day two)
of the four....
In fact, only one other figure in American public life had as puzzling an inability to convert all of his assets into any level of
public affection...
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| "But I'm Running for President Anyway." |
The Lakers are going to need Kobe if they are going to 3-peat as champions this year. They are going to need the clinical, cold-blooded assassin known to himself as "The Black Mamba." No flying off the handle in the playoffs. Kobe must be under control at all times. No cursing, name-calling, fighting or otherwise unseemly behavior for Number 24. If at any time, Kobe feels in his gut that "it's just emotion, taking me over...." TGG's advice is that he think calm thoughts, relax, and hum to himself the calming tune of TGG's Old School Jam of the Week....
(C'mon, we gave you a big hint...)
THE PROBLEM WITH BARRY BONDS
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| Hey, Slugger... |
The problem is, we just don't care anymore. We really tried. Really. Especially 'cos we're supposed to have an opinion on everything.
But. We. Just. Don't. Care.
THE PROBLEM WITH TIGER WOODS
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| Things Were Still Not Quite According To Plan |
Some people say that Tiger's performance at the Masters means "Tiger is Back." TGG must have gone to get a lemonade at exactly the wrong time on Sunday, because somehow we don't remember seeing him wearing a green jacket.
Tiger may come back one day. None of the days last week were that day.
THE PROBLEM WITH WALT "CLYDE" FRAZIER?
Perhaps no day is sadder than when you can no longer believe in your heroes. So TGG is very sad today. Because yesterday, we read a feature in the New York Times on '70s icon Walt "Clyde" Frazier, entitled
As a public service to our readers, we reprint the first paragraph in its entirety so you can judge for yourself:
"In Walt Frazier's closet hangs a polyester cow-print suit with brown-and-black splotches. However absurd, it fits in a menagerie of 100 or so suits that hang on five racks and with patterns of tiger stripes and leopard spots; designs of bold plaids and checks; and colors of yellow, red, salmon and orange."
The article recounted how Frazier tells his tailors
"show me something nobody else
would wear."
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| We Think You Pretty Much Succeeded In That, Walt... |
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| Say It Ain't So, Clyde. Please Say It Ain't So.... |
Stay tuned next Weekend for Volume 1, Issue 12 of TGG,
and be on the lookout for periodic updates
"as events warrant"
