"Extra" (Special Charlie Sheen/Miami Heat Edition)

EXTRA MID-WEEK EDITION

SPECIAL NOTE TO OUR READERS:

Many TGG readers have written in to ask, "Why has The Global Game given no coverage to the Charlie Sheen situation?"  Why have there been no TGG takes on "tiger blood," "winning," and "The Goddesses"?" 

Charlie Sheen 

Ordinarily, Dear Readers, Charlie Sheen and his recent appearances in the headlines would be front and center in TGG's dispatches. 

 But sometime in the past month or so, the Charlie Sheen situation has gone from comedy to tragedy.   A human being is disintegrating and self-destructing before our very eyes.   And we have to wonder, as countless interviewers sit down with Charlie Sheen and tape him clearly going over the edge, how many of them have had the common human decency to ask or say 
(either on or off-camera), "Charlie, you really seem to be in trouble.  Are you getting the help you need?  Is there anything I can do?"

At TGG, we call it "Gladiator Journalism."  Remember what Russell Crowe (as Maximus Decimus Meridus, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius) said in the movie, after another day of bloodsport in the arena --- where it was the spectacle that mattered more than anything?

"Are you not entertained?  Is this not why you are here?"

So The Global Game will offer no take on Charlie Sheen, other than to say we hope he gets the help he needs.   For now, we will choose to remember him when his star shone so brightly in
 "Platoon" and "Major League."

A Grunt's Grunt

"Wild Thing"

We feel no such reservations, however, about the Miami Heat, who on Sunday lost their 4th in a row to the Chicago Bulls, once more giving up a huge lead and failing to close out a tight game in the end.

Apparently the loss was so traumatic and their continuing inability to find the winning forumula was so surprising to the team that, according to 

Coach Erik Spoelstra,

two Heat players were 

crying in the locker room.

No One Ever Told Him,
"What Happens In The Locker Room
Stays In The Locker Room"

The media, of course, immediately dubbed the contest and its aftermath "The Crying Game"

Which is important to distinguish from the 1992 movie "The Crying Game"....

" 'Cos That Was Really What You Call A Surprise, 'Guv..."

Four days later, it remained unclear whether the crying in the Heat locker room was straight-out-bawling.....

Or more just quiet weeping.....

But as his Lakers prepared to face the Heat Thursday night in a must-see game, Laker Coach Zenmaster Phil, the master of gamesmanship, turned up the rhetorical heat by issuing a clear edict:

"There Is No Crying In Basketball."

He Added That NBA Stands for "No Boys Allowed"

The sports and media worlds now went into overdrive.  When, exactly, was crying allowed?

ESPN Hockey Analyst Barry Melrose was clear about one thing:

"There Is No Crying In Hockey."

We couldn't reach Baltimore Ravens Linebacker Ray Lewis, but we are pretty sure he would have said... 

"There Is Definitely No Crying In Football."

Baseball Player Rafael Palmiero Went Before Congress To Testify That.....

"There Is No Crying In Baseball."
(Unless It's Caused By 'Roid Rage)

Outside of Sports, Was Crying Acceptable?

What About Politics?

At least two national candidates had learned the hard way that.....

Ed Muskie in 1972

Pat Schroeder in 1988

"There Is No Crying In Politics."

(Unless, of course, you're Speaker Boehner)

Third In Line For The Presidency

What About Show Business?

OK, Maybe In Show Business...

The Heat still have almost two months of the regular season and at least some time in the playoffs to figure it all out.  Still, in the first ever TGG dedication, we dedicate 10cc's

 "I'm Not In Love" to Miami's Big Three.

 Partly because, as a nation of basketball fans, we're definitely not in love, and partly because of the refrain, halfway through the song (listen to this vintage 1975 taping from the BBC's "Top Of The Pops" if you can't remember....)

No, Bron-Bron and D. Wade, 

"Big Boys Don't Cry."   

 But good luck with Kobe, Zenmaster Phil and the Lakers tonite...

Tune in again this weekend for the next regular edition of The Global Game.   As always, special editions

 as events warrant. 

Vol. 1, No.1 (Special State of the Union Edition)

IN THIS ISSUE:

-- "THIS JUST IN..."

-- RICKY G. vs. HOLLYWOOD


-- OBAMA BACK IN THE HOUSE

-- THE BERLUSCONI WATCH


-- THE OLD SCHOOL JAM OF THE WEEK


-- EGYPT RISING

 "THIS JUST IN...."

WE INTERRUPT OUR 

REGULAR EDITION 

FOR 

BREAKING NEWS...

CHICAGO BEARS FIND NEW QB 

TO REPLACE JAY CUTLER

In the wake of their disastrous loss to archrival the Green Bay Packers in last Sunday's NFC Championship Game, the Chicago Bears have decided to cut ties with much-maligned signal caller Jay Cutler, who (in the most controversial sports move of the year since LeBron's "Decision"), sat out the second half although he had suffered no visible injury.

"Where Is The Love?"

As Cutler's No. 6 jersey was burned in the streets, residents of the Windy City couldn't remember so many grown men crying over Chicago Bears football since the airing of that 1971 ABC Movie of The Week classic, 

"Brian's Song":

The Bears were desperate.   After Cutler walked off the field, head down, his toughness questioned by one and all, the heirs to the proud heritage of George "Papa Bear" Halas knew they had to act quickly...  

Hard Knocks

Where could they find a quarterback who oozed machismo, who was tough enough for The City of Broad Shoulders, who could handle the boo birds, the hecklers and the Haters, who wouldn't come off of the field unless he was laid out flat on a stretcher?

Did they even make QBs like that anymore?

If so, where could "Da Bears" find one?

And most importantly, would he say "yes"? 

"OK, OK --- But you have to ask me nicely."

Meanwhile, in Hollywood, British funnyman Ricky Gervais defiantly stuck by his guns in the face of criticism of his controversial Golden Globes hosting gig...

"Just Wait --- It Gets Better!"

Gervais had shocked Tinseltown

with his no-holds-barred monologue.

Among other targets, The Bawdy Brit
 had 

implied that Tom Cruise was gay....

"That's Ridiculous!"

hinted that Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie were of limited talent --- at best --- as actors....

"Did 'e now, 'eh?"

"Who needs to act?"

and come right at Charlie Sheen as a substance-abusing,
 porn star-chasing, hotel room-destroying,
out-of-control embarrassment to himself and his profession.....

"Um....well..."

Gervais chose the new "Piers Morgan Show" on CNN to offer the year's first 

non-apology apology:

"I don't think I did anything wrong, [and] I'm not sorry for anything I said, [but] I hope no one was truly offended."

"No, really.  'Cos that would just tear me up inside..."

While the populace may have been kept amused by the Bread and Circus from Hollywood and the NFL, in the 

Nation's Capital, serious matters were at hand.

President Obama, his Presidency still on
 thin ice, delivered his crucial

 State of the Union Address:

"I Liked The Old Speaker Better"

For a famed orator of Obama's talent, many found the speech to be a rather pedestrian effort, full of cliched themes such as 
"We are part of the American Family" and "Now it's our turn."   
In fact, one commentator Tweeted 
during the speech:
 Obama's next platitude ---

 "Kittens and puppies should be allowed 
to live."

For two reasons, it was a sensitive moment for President Obama.   First, some (ok, "we") were comparing the young President, who sometimes seemed lost in the political ways of Washington, to naive young Kwai Chang Caine of "Kung Fu" fame:

Second, the last time Obama had appeared before a Joint Session of Congress, Republican Congressman Joe Wilson had broken one if the most sacred commandments of American political etiquette, shouting
 "You lie!"

 at the President.

"And If I Feel Like Finger-Pointing,
I'm Gonna Do That, Too..."

Many progressives thought that Wilson's shocking act of disrespect, directed as it was against an African-American President, was indicative of a deep strain of racism in certain elements of the Republican Party.   
For their part, Republican leaders fiercely denied the accusation. 

"Where do they even get that from?"

The Party of Lincoln was outraged.   They felt that Democrats and their allies had no basis to make such a charge.

"In 200 years of American history, the GOP has never heckled a black President before!"

Even erstwhile Republican Party Chairman 

Michael Steele didn't know 

what to make of that one...

"Say What?"

President Obama had to face issues far beyond the Republican Party, however. 

  For his Presidency to succeed, he needed the world economy, especially in Europe, to grow once again in 2011 and 2012.

But Europe was in crisis.  Greece, Ireland, Portugal, and maybe even Spain and Italy were thought by many to be virtually bankrupt.

As Europe teetered on the brink of 

financial ruin, 

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's position became ever more precarious as further details emerged concerning his involvement with then-17 year-old 

exotic dancer 

Karima El-Mahroug,

aka Ruby Rubacouri 

("Ruby Heart-Stealer")

Devil in a Blue Dress?

Italian prosecutors alleged that Berlusconi paid for sex with the underage teen and then lied to authorities in order to cover it up.

For her part, Ruby told an Italian TV station (a station owned, coincidentally enough, by Prime Minister Berlusconi) that while the Prime Minister had given her 

7,000 Euros ($9605) in cash 

the first night he met her, 

"he [Berlusconi] never even laid 

a finger on me"

"Girl, you know Mama El-Mahroug didn't
 raise no dummy..."

While TGG is no mind-reader, we have, through our worldwide network of hidden cameras and microphones, been able to learn exactly what Prime Minister Berlusconi was thinking in the fateful hours after he 

first met Ruby.....

"Vediamo ora, è una buona idea o una cattiva idea per gli 74 anni, primo ministro diessere coinvolti con una ballerina di 17 anni esotico soprannominato "RubyHeart-Stealer?"
("Let's see now, is it a good idea or a bad idea for the 74 year-old Prime Minister to get involved with a 17 year-old exotic dancer nicknamed "Ruby Heart-Stealer?")

My Guess?  "Bad Idea." 

Never let it be said, however (particularly with Valentine's Day fast approaching) that TGG is anything but romantic.   And so, as unlikely a couple as they may be, TGG dedicates this week's Old School Jam of the Week to

 Silvio and Ruby, the star-crossed lovers:

All romance aside, however, in reviewing the Italian prosecutors' case, TGG somehow could not escape the feeling that --- to paraphrase the words of noted philosopher and commentator Keyshawn Johnson --- "one way or another, this is not going to end well for [Silvio Berlusconi]."  According to accounts in the Italian press, the prosecutor's 389-page investigation was "full of candid details about backdoor dealings and wild parties that suggest the prime minister has lived a life of unconstrained debauchery aided by an entourage of teenage showgirls, television presenters and talent scouts."

With the controversy threatening to topple an important U.S. ally, President Obama decided to send a special envoy to Rome....

"Ah feel 'yo pain."




The Big Dog's Advice:


"Deny Everything!"

On a Final Note,

God Bless Our Brothers and Sisters in Egypt.

May The Sun Smile Upon Them

and 

The Wind Be at Their Back

In Their Historic Struggle 

"Our Time Has Come"

Stay tuned next Friday for Volume 1, Issue 2 of TGG,

and be on the lookout for periodic updates

"as events warrant"