Vol. 1, Issue 14 (Special Memorial Day Edition)

IN THIS ISSUE:

-- HUNGOVER?

-- GOP PRESIDENTIAL FOLLIES

--TCG POCKET GUIDE TO THE KARDASHIANS

-- A*HOLE OF THE YEAR -- THE EARLY FAVORITE

-- THE ASSOIATION -- SCOTTIE STEPS IN IT

-- THE ASSOCIATION -- THE HEATLES COME UP

-- "THE BEAUTIFUL GAME"

Hungover?

Memorial Day Weekend is about cookouts, the Indy 500, and summer movie blockbusters.   So we open this week with the question, 

"Was 'The Hangover' that funny

 in the first place?"

We Don't Think So

Which leads us to the obvious question,

 "Why so much hype for 'Hangover 2'?"

You'll Have To Let Us Know,
'Cos TGG Will Not Be At The Multiplex This Weekend...

GOP Presidential Follies

Meanwhile, the GOP Presidential field continued to take shape.   With many of the heavyweights having taken a pass, the big news this week was the entrance of former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty. 

Minnesota Nice

One observer tartly described Pawlenty as "the kind of guy if you see him in line at the grocery store, you switch to the other line to avoid having to have a conversation with him."   Ouch.  Critics of Pawlenty called him a little-known governor from a small state, and declared he had a stature gap that would make it difficult for him to compete

 on the national stage.

His supporters, however, noted that the same had been said at the start of the 1992 campaign about Bill Clinton, a little-known governor from a small state.   "And look how that turned out," they said.   

The difference between Bill Clinton in 1992 and Tim Pawlenty in 2012?   Bill Clinton had charisma, even before he was the nominee.   

"And You Know That"

As if that weren't enough to trouble GOP strategists, who once seemed to think they had a clear path to making Obama a one-term president, the unsettled nature of the GOP field seemed to be luring Sarah Palin back into the race.   Palin announced a DC-New Hampshire bus tour, and also bought a house in Arizona (theoretically making travel to primary states easier than from Alaska).

Palin and her supporters seemed happy.   Democrats were delighted..

"What's Not To Like?"

It was easy to make fun of the Republican contenders, and cartoonists had a field day......

TGG Pocket Guide To The Kardashians

In other news, Kim Kardashian's engagement to New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries sent shockwaves through the sports and entertainment worlds.   Our readers have begged TGG for an analysis of the implications, and for the

 "story behind the story."

Dear Readers: The Global Game has more important and substantive matters to cover (see "Presidential Poliitcs" above).   But by popular demand, and as a public service, we present The Global Game Pocket Guide To The Kardashians:

Kim

"Yes"

Khloe

"No"

Kourtney 

"Who Cares?"

A*hole Of The Year --- The Early Favorite

Is it any surprise that it's Tiki Barber?

Read this incredible story and decide for yourself....

"I May Even Vote For Myself"

The Association 

It must say something about Michael Jordan's continuing hold on the basketball public, that the biggest news in the NBA this week was a radio interview given by Scottie Pippen in which Pippen said that LeBron James might turn out to be the "greatest ever."   

The controversy that ensued was not so much caused by what was said, but by who was saying it. 

Note to Scottie:  somehow, coming from you, your remarks just seemed, well, ungrateful.

"Why Is Everybody Picking On Me?"

Let us break it down for you, Scottie.  You see, in this world we live in....

Every Batman has his Robin......

The Caped Crusaders

Every George Michael has his 

Andrew Ridgely......

Wake Us Up Before You Go-Go...

and every Michael has his Scottie.

"And Just To Be Clear, Scottie --- I'm Batman."

The Pippen controversy threatened to overshadow The Finals themselves, featuring a Miami Heat squad and a Dallas Mavericks team both seeking vindication of one sort or another.   

Could the "Big Three" pull it off in its first year together?

Ooops --- Our Bad --- Wrong Miami Heat "Big Three"

Celebrating Early -- Or Having The Last Laugh?

Or would Jason Kidd, having one of the most amazing runs in basketball history at the age of 38, and his seemingly unstoppable partner, Dirk Nowitzki, finally find the basketball promised land?

Don't Count These Two Out.....

TGG's heart says "Mavericks" but our head says "Heat."   The finest NBA tradition, however, says you have to go through some pain before you get to the pride.   Think Pistons having to surmount the Celtics and Bulls having to finally get through the Pistons.   We say, "make the Heatles wait at least 1 year.   Winning straight out just ain't right."

O Jogo Bonito

It's Good To Be A Premiership Footballer

Until The British Tabloids Call Out Your Escapades....

Like Carrying On With The Former Miss Wales and
UK Big Brother Contestant Imogen Thomas....

Who Worried About Her "Reputation" After Also
Dating English Footballer Jerome Dafoe.

Thank God Lionel Messi only had to worry about beating Manchester United.....

Nobody Can Stop Him 

Which is why Barca is once again UEFA Champions League Champions, and thought by many to be perhaps the greatest club team of all time.

You'll Get No Argument Here

Stay tuned next Weekend for Volume 1, Issue 15 of TGG,

and be on the lookout for periodic updates

"as events warrant"

Vol. 1, Issue 13 (Special Bad (Bad) Boys) Edition

IN THIS ISSUE:

-- EDITOR' NOTE

-- THE REAL JUDGMENT DAY(S)?

--BAD (BAD) BOYS: CRIMINAL DIVISION

-- BAD (BAD) BOYS: CIVIL DIVISION

-- CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

-- "THEME FROM GHOSTBUSTERS"

-- GOP PRESIDENTIAL FOLLIES

-- THE SPORTS SECTION

-- TEARS OF A CLOWN

Editor's Note

Dear Reader:  We hope that you are as pleased as we are that The Global Game is back from it's very own self-imposed Mother's Day -- They Got Osama -- Can We Have A National Holiday To Celebrate The Lakers' Self-Implosion? Hiatus....

Notable in this edition is the first ever selection of one of our own readers as 

"Hater of The Week"...Cheryl Green of Atlanta earned herself this singular honor, when upon receiving our message thanking her and other TGG readers for the "thousands of e-mails, tweets, Facebook posts and telegrams asking when we would be back," she chose to reply, "Really G$ -- "thousands"?"

Our message to Cheryl and all others of little faith is, "Don't Hate -- Propagate (TGG)!"

But for now, Congratulations, C. Green -- you are this week's "Hater of The Week."

On another preliminary note, since the world ended yesterday at 6:00 p.m., this edition reaches all of you in Heaven, where we hope your stay has been comfortable so far. (Special delivery arrangements will be made for Don White, Tina Smith, and Barry Caldwell).

We Were Listening to WBLS 107.5 At The Time,
So We Missed The Live Reports....

The Real Judgment Day(s)?

Here on Earth, the behavior of some of our  so-called leaders leading up to Judgment Day was been very bad indeed.   So bad, it is difficult to even know where to start.

For TGG's part, stuck in an Old School time warp as we sometimes are,

when we first heard mention of 

"Bad Boys" we thought someone was

referring to a overheated 1983 drama

starring a young Sean Penn...

Whatever Happened to Esai Morales?

Still, It Was a Notable Upgrade from
"Fast Times at Ridgemont High".....

Actually, it was bigger boys and badder behavior that set the world on its collective ear last week.

Definitely Nail-Biting Time for DSK

Worth A Thousand Words

It is important to clarify one thing about these two stories: it is incorrect to refer to both of them as "sex scandals."   One is a "sex scandal."   Another is a very serious allegation of violent criminal behavior by a very powerful man against a woman whose only worldly power would turn out to be the power of her character.  

Bad (Bad) Boys: Criminal Division

To many in the corridors of global power, it came as no shock on May 14th when IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn found himself  accused of sexually assaulting a hotel maid in his $3,000 a night Manhattan luxury suite.  In fact, in one of the more prescient pieces of journalism of our times, the UK's Daily Telegraph had published a piece on May 9th whose subheader called out DSK (as he is known in France) as "an incorrigible seducer whose weakness for women could fatally scupper his presidential ambitions...."  

The body of the piece went on to add: "He is always on the hunt for new women.  He is a pleasure seeker.  Like all great political animals, he has trouble controlling himself..."

The Global Game does not know what happened in the hotel suite.  We are willing, in line with the foundations of the legal system in this country, to afford DSK the presumption of innocence. 

We do know two things, however.

The first is, maybe DSK's lawyers should stop floating the "if anything happened, it was consensual" trial balloon. 
 Why?

Because It's Probably Going To Be Hard 
to Convince a Jury
That The Alleged Victim Was 
Just Dying for a Quick One
With This Man 
Before She Cleaned
The Next Six Rooms on Her
8-Hour Shift.....

The second thing we know is that, as more and more reports come out concerning DSK's behavior around the world (see this report in The Daily Beast that alleges that as soon as he got to his room in the hotel in question he called down to the receptionist who had just checked him in and invited her for "a drink"), that DSK's court-ordered house arrest in a small Manhattan apartment with his wife is likely to become, well, increasingly uncomfortable....

These Are Generally What Are Referred to
 as "Happier Days"

Bad (Bad) Boys (Civil Division)

Meanwhile, former Governor Schwarzenegger was giving new meaning to the term 

"In Da House"

This Is Not Exactly What We Mean, Either  ---
But At Least There's Something Funny About Ali G...

Really, Governor?   For 10 Years?

Crime and Punishment

What, then, was a society to do with bad acts run rampant at the highest levels?

Did we need to send certain people back for a morals education --- but facing more than a ruler across the knuckles as punishment?

Confession Is Good For The Soul

Did we need to lock all the "political animals" in the equivalent of a societal penalty box?

Major Misconduct Penalties --- 15 years to Life

Or Did We Need To Re-open Alcatraz, So Every Once In A While

Certain People Would Think Before

 They Acted?

And Just To Be Clear, Nicolas Cage and Sean Connery
Are Not Going To Be Coming Anytime Soon
To Break You Out...

"Theme From Ghostbusters"

Meanwhile, a few other important things happened while TGG was on hiatus....

Headlines Around The World

The President Had No Need To Gloat....

And The Situation Was All Good
In The Situation Room,
Especially Between
The President and The Secretary of State....

Which maybe was why, three long years later, nobody (nobody, of course, except The Global Game) seemed to want to bring up the fact that the Secretary of State (or at least some of her supporters) had questioned whether Barack Obama had what it took to lead the nation through a foreign policy crisis.

Or, to paraphrase the Hillary campaign's infamous ad.......

"It's 3 a.m. in the White House.
Who Do You Want Answering The Red Phone?"

Forgot so soon?  See for yourself.....

We can't presume to know what President Obama was thinking in the triumphal moment when the daring mission he had so courageously ordered came off like clockwork and he succeeded where Bush and others before him had failed so miserably....

Actually, we lied.  Yes we can....

I Guess I Answered That #*&$@$ After All, --------!

GOP Presidential Follies

Meanwhile, the GOP's effort to find a credible contender to run against the President descended into further chaos.   In his first week in the race, heavyweight Newt Gingrich, one of the few with the gravitas and the charisma to pose a meaningful threat to the President, made the entirely reasonable observation that the House Republican plan to replace Medicare with a voucher system was probably a conservative social experiment that went too far.

For that, which placed him squarely in line with voters (of all parties) across the country, the Republican attack machine mounted in high gear to try and drive him from the race.   Because, after all, if you are running for President you wouldn't want to reassure the most consistent voting bloc there is that you are not going to take away

 their medical care......

"That's The Last Time I Try To Be Reasonable"

Other GOP Candidates Were Dropping Like Flies From a Race That The Republicans Once Thought They Had In The Bag.

Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels....

Not That, Like, Anybody Really Knew
I Was Running Anyway.....

and Television Clown Donald Trump......

Not That, Like, Anybody Really Cared
That I Was "Running" Anyway....

Getting IN the race, however, was businessman Herman Cain....

Because My Political Strategists Tell Me That What
GOP Voters Have Been Waiting for Is A Black
Candidate Who Ran a Pizza Chain Called "Godfathers"....

All This, Of Course, Left Observers Pondering What Sarah Palin's Next Move Might Be.....

Had She Gotten Lost On That Road?

Ms. Palin, who had not been heard from for awhile (on hiatus just like TGG) resurfaced this week with her analysis of the strategic dynamics and peace prospects 

in the Middle East.

You heard that right.  "With her analysis of the strategic dynamics and peace prospects in the Middle East. "

Former Gov. Palin made it clear that she expected to be part of the ongoing national debate.  Not, as some accused her, because she wanted to remain in the spotlight to keep her speaking fees high....

No, not because of that at all.

Rather, as Gov. Palin wanted the whole world to understand, because...   

"Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner"

So, until further notice, the GOP field (Sarah Palin and a bunch of backup candidates) would remain the political version of 

Gladys Night and The Pips.....

"You've Got To Use Your Imagination"

The Sports Section

We have just two notes this week.   From the NBA Playoffs:

Note to Russell: Pass The Ball To Your Boy
(Especially in the 4th Quarter)

Second, we note that May always irritates TGG.    We get irritated every year at the beginning of the month, after the Kentucky Derby, when the horse that won the Derby loses the Preakness, and the media goes into a frenzy saying, "For the xxth year in a row, there will be no Triple Crown winner"

OK, Maybe It's Just Not Gonna Happen, Fellas....

Then, we get irritated at the end of the month around the Indy 500 and all of the inevitable Danica Patrick hype.....

Would Someone Please Make Her Put Some Clothes On ---  Please?

Tears of a Clown 

Finally, TGG, always with a soft spot for the clowns of the world, winds up this week with reports that various public interest groups are pressuring McDonald's to retire Ronald McDonald, apparently because he represents a danger to the health of our nation's children.

"Say What?"




What's next --- a ban on Scooby Snacks?



Please help us stop the madness.  Send your contributions to:

The Ronald McDonald Defense Fund
1 Clown Alley
Clownville, USA  12345

Stay tuned next Weekend for Volume 1, Issue 14 of TGG,

and be on the lookout for periodic updates

"as events warrant"