IN THIS ISSUE:
-- BAD (BAD) BOYS -- NEW YORK DIVISION
-- BAD (BAD) BOYS -- FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE DIVISION
--RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE: GOP FOLLIES
-- RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE: FOUR MORE YEARS?
-- VH1'S "SINGLE LADIES": THE WORST TV SHOW EVER?
-- FOOTBALL: ROTTEN TO THE CORE?
-- FUTBOL: ROTTEN TO THE CORE?
THE HEATLES: CELEBRATING TO EARLY?
THE DIESEL EXITS STAGE RIGHT
THE HEATLES: CELEBRATING TO EARLY?
THE DIESEL EXITS STAGE RIGHT
Breaking News --- We Preempt
Our Regular Headlines For This
Special Announcement...
The Wall Street Journal this week published the following story:
"The Army plans to hold desert trials in the U.S. next week to test off-the-shelf iPhones, Androids and
tablet computers for use in war."
tablet computers for use in war."
TGG never wants to be the one to stand in the way of science, or of progress. But somehow --- and we can't quite put our finger on it --- we just have a feeling that this is not a good idea.
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| 'Cos What Happens When They Dial The Wrong Number --- And It's Yours! |
Bad (Bad) Boys --
New York Division
New York Division
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| The Congressman Tries To Explain The Inexplicable |
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| There's Only Two Choices, Congressman: (A) Yours (B) Somebody Else's |
The Global Game, upholder of lofty journalistic standards that we are, will refuse to stoop so low as to make any of the obvious jokes, puns, wordplays, etc. But that didn't stop the New York tabloids this week, and as a public service to our readers we present this segment of "Ripped From The Headlines":
It seemed to be a bad week for prominent New Yorkers and their pants. Law enforcement officials announced the imminent release of former New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress, who Global Game readers will recall had been serving a mandatory sentence for carrying a concealed weapon in this pants to the Latin Quarter nightclub in Manhattan. Unfortunately, said weapon accidentally discharged, endangering not only Plaxico but whomever else might have been
"In Da Club" that night.
For their part, the Giants gave signals that they had no intention of welcoming Burress back to Big Blue, implying that he would be released upon his release (we said it like that on purpose). NFL sources felt that the most likely team to pick up Burress would be division rivals the Philadelphia Eagles, which would lead to the QB-receiver pairing of Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress.
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| You Get One Phone Call |
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| I Believe I Can Fly... |
Hold it. Didn't they make a movie about that a few years ago?
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| This Is Not Your Father's "West Coast Offense" |
Bad (Bad) Boys --
Former Presidential Candidate Division
At this point, we were going to spend some time discussing and analyzing the indictment of John Edwards for allegedly funnelling $1 million in campaign funds into an illegal effort to keep his mistress and their baby from the press and the voters.
But then, for two reasons, we figured, "why bother?" The first reason is because this is all you really need to know:
The second reason is because we never really liked Edwards anyway...
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| And This Is Just One Of The Reasons Why |
But once again, as a public service to TGG readers, we offer a link to a newsbreaking Associated Press expose featuring previously unseen campaign doucments that were used in the indictment and illuminate
John Edwards: the public vs. the private side...
Race For The White House:
GOP Follies
Turning to this year's race for the White House, GOP front runner Mitt Romney made his long awaited announcement this week in New Hampshire.
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| "I Really Hope It Turns Out Better This Time" |
Romney's reputation as a flip-flopper remained perhaps his greatest weakness....
Romney's entrance didn't seem to do anything to change the dynamics of the field, which still could be best described as follows:
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| Gladys Knight and The Pips |
For her part, Gladys continued her bus tour through the Northeast, where she offered her own unique version of The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere. You won't believe it. Well, OK, maybe you will...
Race For The White House:
Four More Years?
Meanwhile, the current occupant of the White House marked the turnaround of the auto industry, a remarkable feat that saved hundreds of thousands of jobs and preserved an important part of America's industrial base. You would never know it to hear from the GOP, however, who opposed the President's rescue plan at every step and seemed to want to talk about anything else as the fruits of the investment came to bear in Detroit and elsewhere in the industrial heartland.
Obama remained presidential throughout.
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| "But Can A Brotha Get Just A Little Credit Up In Here?" |
All this in the face of economic news that continued to disappoint, and upcoming critical negotiations with the Republicans over the debt ceiling. Looking at the President, The Wall Street Journal's Peggy Noonan penned a devastating critique of the personal qualities that she felt left him ill-suited to strike a deal with the GOP and also alienated him from a substantial portion of the electorate:
"Barack Obama is different, not a political practitioner, really, but something else, and not a warm-blooded animal but a cool, chill character, a fish who sits deep in the tank and stares, stilly, at the other fish. He doesn't know how to confuse his foes with "outreach," with phone calls, jokes, affection. He doesn't leave them saying, as Reagan did, "I just can't help it, I like the guy." And because he can't confuse them or reach them they more readily coalesce around their own explanation of him: socialist, destroyer."
Fair? Maybe -- maybe not. But certainly food for thought as the critical runup to 2012 approaches...
VH1's "Single Ladies" --
Worst TV Show Ever?
Still, it was the summer months, and many Americans felt they needed diversions away from politics. Several new TV series were scheduled to debut in the next few weeks.
TGG does not have the time or energy to watch them all. But could it be possible that one new entry, VH1's "Single Ladies," was perhaps the worst show in television history?
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| The Single Ladies |
We know exactly what you're thinking --- "There goes The Global Game, engaging in its typical hyperbole once again."
OK, judge for yourself:
Football -- Rotten To The Core?
The big football news last week was the resignation of Ohio State coach Jim Tressel, aka "The Senator," in a scandal stemming from his players' trading memorabilia for tattoos and his not informing the NCAA as soon as he found out about the possible rules violation. Allegations also swirled around Columbus that several OSU football players including star QB Terrelle Pryor, had received preferential deals on late-model cars.
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| The Bigger They Come.... |
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| The Future May Not Be Looking So Rosy, Chief |
What was clear --- in fact has been clear for some time --- is that the NCAA system is outdated, ineffective, and exploits the very people it should be there to benefit --- the athletes themselves. For his part, crack commentator
Jason Whitlock refused to pile on to Tressel writing "Tressel Product of Flawed System" and calling the NCAA itself to task.
Futbol -- Rotten To The Core?
In another flawed system, FIFA President Sepp Blatter was re-elected head of soccer's governing body amid charges of rampant corruption. Blatter held a defiant press conference, declaring "there is no crisis in football," but announced the appointment of a blue-ribbon committee see if improvements could be made to the system.
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| "Because I'm Tired of Having The British Tabloids All Over My Back" |
When it was revealed that one of the committee members was 88 year-old Henry Kissinger, the former U.S. Secretary of State, objective observers found themselves wondering exactly how much "reform" was likely to result from the effort.
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| " 'Cos At This Point, A Brotha Only Has So Much Energy Left For This Kind of Foolishness..." |
The real game in town, of course, was the NBA Finals, where the Miami Heat shockingly gave away a 15-point lead with just 7 minutes left in Game 2. It appeared to anyone who watched that the Heatles had started counting their chickens just a little bit before they hatched, although King James insisted
"there was no celebration."
The knives were back out nonetheless for America's Most Hated Team, and it remained to be seen whether they could regroup as they headed for Dallas for the next 3 games in the Finals unique 2-3-2 format.
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| Don't Laugh Just Yet, Fellas.... |
The Diesel Exits Stage Right
The other big basketball news was the retirement of Shaquille O'Neal, one of the most dominant forces the game
has ever seen.
So whether you choose to remember Shaq from his young Orlando jumping jack days....
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| Faster Than A Speeding Bullet? |
Or his tumultuous yet victorious years with
the Lakers...
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| Capping Off The Great Playoff Comeback vs. Portland |
Or His Reincarnation With The Miami Heat.....
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| Coming Soon To A Multiplex Near You... |
We will always remember his as one of the most incandescent personalities in sports. Shaq proved that you could have fun and proved that athletes could be more than just their oncourt statistics. He showed that NBA stars did not have to adopt fake-tough-guy personas (we're talking to you, Kevin Garnett) or embrace faux Thug Life posturing (we're talking to you, half of the rest of the league) to make their way in the world. He was a larger-than-life character on the biggest stage there is. Enjoy this signature Shaq moment as you remember the smiles he brought to us all:
Stay tuned next Weekend for Volume 1, Issue 16 of TGG,
and be on the lookout for periodic updates
"as events warrant"
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