"Extra" (Special Charlie Sheen/Miami Heat Edition)

EXTRA MID-WEEK EDITION

SPECIAL NOTE TO OUR READERS:

Many TGG readers have written in to ask, "Why has The Global Game given no coverage to the Charlie Sheen situation?"  Why have there been no TGG takes on "tiger blood," "winning," and "The Goddesses"?" 

Charlie Sheen 

Ordinarily, Dear Readers, Charlie Sheen and his recent appearances in the headlines would be front and center in TGG's dispatches. 

 But sometime in the past month or so, the Charlie Sheen situation has gone from comedy to tragedy.   A human being is disintegrating and self-destructing before our very eyes.   And we have to wonder, as countless interviewers sit down with Charlie Sheen and tape him clearly going over the edge, how many of them have had the common human decency to ask or say 
(either on or off-camera), "Charlie, you really seem to be in trouble.  Are you getting the help you need?  Is there anything I can do?"

At TGG, we call it "Gladiator Journalism."  Remember what Russell Crowe (as Maximus Decimus Meridus, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius) said in the movie, after another day of bloodsport in the arena --- where it was the spectacle that mattered more than anything?

"Are you not entertained?  Is this not why you are here?"

So The Global Game will offer no take on Charlie Sheen, other than to say we hope he gets the help he needs.   For now, we will choose to remember him when his star shone so brightly in
 "Platoon" and "Major League."

A Grunt's Grunt

"Wild Thing"

We feel no such reservations, however, about the Miami Heat, who on Sunday lost their 4th in a row to the Chicago Bulls, once more giving up a huge lead and failing to close out a tight game in the end.

Apparently the loss was so traumatic and their continuing inability to find the winning forumula was so surprising to the team that, according to 

Coach Erik Spoelstra,

two Heat players were 

crying in the locker room.

No One Ever Told Him,
"What Happens In The Locker Room
Stays In The Locker Room"

The media, of course, immediately dubbed the contest and its aftermath "The Crying Game"

Which is important to distinguish from the 1992 movie "The Crying Game"....

" 'Cos That Was Really What You Call A Surprise, 'Guv..."

Four days later, it remained unclear whether the crying in the Heat locker room was straight-out-bawling.....

Or more just quiet weeping.....

But as his Lakers prepared to face the Heat Thursday night in a must-see game, Laker Coach Zenmaster Phil, the master of gamesmanship, turned up the rhetorical heat by issuing a clear edict:

"There Is No Crying In Basketball."

He Added That NBA Stands for "No Boys Allowed"

The sports and media worlds now went into overdrive.  When, exactly, was crying allowed?

ESPN Hockey Analyst Barry Melrose was clear about one thing:

"There Is No Crying In Hockey."

We couldn't reach Baltimore Ravens Linebacker Ray Lewis, but we are pretty sure he would have said... 

"There Is Definitely No Crying In Football."

Baseball Player Rafael Palmiero Went Before Congress To Testify That.....

"There Is No Crying In Baseball."
(Unless It's Caused By 'Roid Rage)

Outside of Sports, Was Crying Acceptable?

What About Politics?

At least two national candidates had learned the hard way that.....

Ed Muskie in 1972

Pat Schroeder in 1988

"There Is No Crying In Politics."

(Unless, of course, you're Speaker Boehner)

Third In Line For The Presidency

What About Show Business?

OK, Maybe In Show Business...

The Heat still have almost two months of the regular season and at least some time in the playoffs to figure it all out.  Still, in the first ever TGG dedication, we dedicate 10cc's

 "I'm Not In Love" to Miami's Big Three.

 Partly because, as a nation of basketball fans, we're definitely not in love, and partly because of the refrain, halfway through the song (listen to this vintage 1975 taping from the BBC's "Top Of The Pops" if you can't remember....)

No, Bron-Bron and D. Wade, 

"Big Boys Don't Cry."   

 But good luck with Kobe, Zenmaster Phil and the Lakers tonite...

Tune in again this weekend for the next regular edition of The Global Game.   As always, special editions

 as events warrant.